Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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