i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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