You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This baby is an asshole
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
