i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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