i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
