yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
