Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
