I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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