He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
