good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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