guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
