call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
