did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
