hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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