The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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