I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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