i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
