I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
