Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
