I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
