I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
