dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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