If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
