K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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