you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
