i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
