fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Houston, we have a blender
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
