can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
