Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
