the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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