is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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