True but thats because hes a fetus.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
