Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
