may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
