i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
