So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
