Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
