Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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