ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
