my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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