your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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