well I can't set my house on fire every night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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