I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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