the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Houston, we have a blender
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
