it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
