i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
