you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
