I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
