Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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