dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
