I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
