It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
