Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
