My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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