there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
