saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
