So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
