Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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