Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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