Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
