Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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