I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
