i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
