how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
