So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
