i think my tv is drunk
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
