Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
