waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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