You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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