When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
