Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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