In the future we'll all be gay
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
